


Pagans, Coats, and Notes

by Olsies



Series: Not An Answer to the World [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom!Cas, Christmas fic, Feels, Fluff, Gender, Gender Exploration, Gender Roles, M/M, Slight Smut, and nail polish, cas in make up, christmas exchange, cross dressing sort of?, human!Cas, top!dean, well lip gloss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 02:58:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olsies/pseuds/Olsies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas time, and Cas has no idea as to what to get Dean.  All he can think about is how it doesn't make any sense that he's not supposed to wear nail polish when it has such pretty colors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pagans, Coats, and Notes

I sat down at the war table, staring at the box of cereal. Some brightly colored animal boasted that the cereal was full of vitamins and whole grains...whatever that meant. I picked up my spoon and took a bite of the brightly colored cereal pieces. It was too sweet but I knew there was nothing else unless I wanted to make myself an egg. Dean still wouldn’t let me near the kitchen after the last time I tried to cook and had left the bunker smelling like burnt hotdogs for two weeks. Sam sat down next to me and poured himself a bowl of the cereal. He saw me frowning and smiled a little.

“I’ll get you some granola tomorrow,” he said. I nodded and took another bite. Dean came in a few minutes later wearing his robe. Having a place he could call home did wonders for him. He already looked very attractive, but being at home, seeing him like this… It took years off of him.

“What’s on the docket today?” He asked.

“Not sure,” Sam said. “Kevin’s still passed out and no! You’re not allowed to wake him up! He does too much research for us. He deserves a break…” Stern Sam always made me want to giggle. It was weird watching him try and boss Dean around.

“We need to know what’s going on,” Dean countered. “Pass the cereal, Cas.” I passed the cereal towards Dean and watched the brothers discuss whether Kevin should be woken up or not. Eventually Dean decided he’d give him till noon; he had to do a food run anyway. “Wanna come, Cas?” I looked down at my soggy cereal.

“Sure,” I said picking up my nearly full bowl and heading towards the kitchen. “I’ll just go wash up…” I put the bowl in the sink and went to my room. It was small and kind of plain, but I liked it. My bed was was a twin, and I had my little night stand. On my desk there was a record player in parts. I was trying to restore it, but I wasn’t sure what I was doing. Dean promised he’d help me look at it in a few days, but a few days had turned into a few weeks and so I wasn’t holding my breath any more. I went to the dresser and pulled out a clean pair of jeans, some underpants, and a shirt. I showered quickly and got dressed. I was just searching for socks when Dean came in to find what was taking so long.

“It’s times like this I miss being an angel,” I admitted. Dean said nothing, just sighed. I pulled on my socks and shoes, and followed Dean out to the Impala. At the store we got more food, and Dean even bought me some plain granola. We were just walking to the checkout when I spotted the bottle of bright polish green polish. I put it in the cart when Dean wasn’t looking and he said nothing when the woman rang it up. When we got home, I pocketed the polish while helping put away the food. Once that was done, Dean went to find Kevin and I went to my room. I sat on my bed and pulled off my shoes and socks. I pulled out the polish, shook it, and opened it. It smelled terrible and full of chemicals, but I carefully scraped the polish in the neck of the bottle and applied it to my big toe. I smiled happily down at it when there was a knock on my door.

“Just a second!” I called, twisting the bottle closed and throwing it behind me searching for my sock.

“Just meet me upstairs,” Dean called. Once I had my shoes back on, I went to find what he wanted.

***

A few days later, I was shopping with Kevin when I found the lip gloss. It said it tasted like frosting and I knew I had to have it. Dean and I may have disagreed on the flavor of cake, but frosting was delicious. I looked around and shoved it in my pocket wondering what would happen if I was caught.

At home in my room I smeared the pink stuff over my lips. It was sticky, and tasted horrible and kind of sweet. I wiped the stuff off my lips with the sleeve of my sweater and laid back on my bed. I was tired. There was a knock on the door and Dean came in. I shoved the gloss under my pillow.

“You ready for dinner?” I shrugged.

“I’m not really hungry,” I admitted.

“You have to eat…” He said. “Kevin said you didn’t eat lunch either…”

“I had granola…”

“With me at seven. It’s been almost twelve hours, buddy… Come on. Let’s get you some grub.” I got up and followed him to the kitchen. He made me sit there, watch him cook, and talk to him. “So Christmas is coming up…” He said. “Any idea of what you want?”

I shook my head no. “Christmas was supposed to be about the coming of Christ, then it appropriated a pagan holiday and was later eaten by consumerism. I don’t want to celebrate, thanks,” I said. Dean squinted at me.

“You’re getting something,” he said chopping the tomato. I shrugged.

“Guess it will have to be a surprise then,” I said. He laughed.

“That’s sort of the point,” he said. He had me set the table and find the other two for dinner. Afterwards, Kevin and I did the dishes. Then I watched TV with Dean in his room. Or rather attempted to. As of late, whenever we were alone, we would make out. I didn’t really understand the phrase, but I also didn’t care. It felt nice, and Dean made the best sounds. He loved to kiss me while he had three fingers in my ass, both of us gasping for breath. I loved when he was on his knees, my cock shoved deep into his throat, my hands in his hair, both of us trembling. Tonight he slicked me up and rode me until I thought I was going to be hoarse. How the others didn’t hear us, I wasn’t sure. Maybe they did and were too polite to say anything. I tried to not think about it too much. When we were done, Dean slid behind me, wrapping his hands loosely around my waist and kissing the back of my neck. He hadn’t yet verbalized that he loved me, but I didn’t need it. I knew. I knew by the way he touched me and let me in his room, in his space. And I loved him. Sometime in the night, I would get up and return to my bed, revelling that I had a space of my own, and a life after falling.

***

I woke up in my bed, Dean shaking my shoulder. The bed was too small for us to be comfortable if we weren’t on top of each other.

“Bad dream?” I asked. Dean nodded. I rolled to my side to let him get under me. I put my head on his chest. “Hell? Purgatory?” Dean shook his head.

“It was my mom… It wasn’t really a bad dream… Just weird. She was worried about dad, worried about his work. I must have been young, she barely knew she was pregnant with Sam,” Dean said running his fingers along my back. “I don’t think it was real, but I don’t know…” He sighed. He didn’t talk about Mary often. “Sorry to wake you…” I shook my head.

“It’s fine, it’s fine…” I said planting kisses on his chest. He sighed a little and nodded. “Go back to sleep…” I said but he was already snoring.

***

On Friday, Dean took me shopping again and insisted I pick out presents for our “family.” For Sam, I picked out some new headphones. He’d been complaining that his were no longer up to par for weeks. I chose a book on how to get more energy for Kevin even though Dean told me it was a scam.

“I thought it was about the thought behind the gift…?” I said and he just rolled his eyes. I couldn’t find anything for Dean, but I had time I told myself. _Less than a week…_ A small voice responded. I ignored it as I followed Dean out the store with my purchases. When we got back to the bunker, Sam and Kevin were listening to a hockey game on the radio. Dean grunted and said that hockey was for pussies before pulling me into his room to make out. What cats had to do with men chasing each other on ice skates I wasn’t sure, but as Dean dipped his tongue into my navel, I found I didn’t really care.

***

The next day, Dean sent me to the store with his credit card. I think he thought it would be easier for me to find something for him without him being there. He was wrong. I did however buy another nail polish (fire truck red) as well as some more granola and pancake mix. Eventually Dean would have to let me in the kitchen again. Dean was making pie when I got back. I sat on a chair just outside listening to him hum “Cherry Pie” under his breath. Once it was in the oven, he straddled my legs kissing me, but not allowing me much movement. I found it very frustrating that I could only touch him when he wanted. We only stopped when there was a loud clatter from behind him.

“Uh-I can-I can come back… Later… I saw-” Sam started mumbling as he rushed away. Dean laughed.

“I guess the walls are sound proof,” he said nibbling my neck.

“How important is lipstick to you, Dean?” I asked thinking suddenly of the lipgloss under my bed. Dean chortled and got off me as the timer started to beep.

“Considering I’m kissing you, not very…”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why is kissing me different than say kissing someone else?”

“Men don’t wear makeup, Cas,” Dean said turning off the timer and getting the oven mittens.

“Why not?” Dean shrugged.

“How the hell should I know? You’re the one who’s been watching humanity forever…”

“Yes, Dean…” I fell silent while he puttered around the kitchen for a few minutes. “It just seems so arbitrary.”

“What does?”

“Gender rules… I mean… You humans… You come up with something and think it has always been so… I don’t know…”

“Cas, if you want to paint your nails it’s ok…” Dean said. I bit my lip. Dean pulled me close for a hug. “Is it the angel thing?” I shook my head.

“It’s….something else. I can’t really…” I shrugged and let myself lean into him. Sam came out again.

“Sorry, don’t-I’m not here…” Dean laughed.

“Oh stop it, Sam… Not the first time you’ve caught me making out with someone…” Dean said. Sam blushed.

“I just-I-” He said stumbling over his feet.

“If it makes you uncomfortable…” I started pushing off of Dean’s chest, but he held me tight.

“No, no, no…” Sam said. “I just… yay?” He finished and throwing up his hands. “Also, Kevin owes me ten bucks…”

“Why?” Dean asked. Sam blushed deeper red.

“He said you guys weren’t sleeping together…” Sam said with a shrug. “He forgets I’ve seen you with well… others…” He said. “Call me when the pie is ready.” He left.

“Strange kid. Any chance I could disown him?” Dean asked me.

“Like you would want to,” I replied kissing him on the mouth. That night we had tacos for dinner and Dean’s fresh pie for dessert. Once the dishes were done, Dean and I went to my room and I retrieved the lip gloss from under my bed.

“I don’t understand how anyone wears it,” I admitted. “It tastes nothing like frosting.” Dean chuckled a little.

“I bet you look cute with it on,” he said opening the tube and smearing some on my lips.

“It’s sticky,” I complained. Dean smiled and rubbed some of the smeared gloss from my chin.

“You look cute,” he said. I frowned at him. He leaned forward and kissed me. “You’re right though… Tastes like crap.”

***

Christmas morning came and I still had nothing for Dean except a stupid card. Sam loved the headphones, and Kevin immediately started reading the book. I smirked at Dean, pleased that Kevin liked his gift. Sam got me a phone, Kevin got me some new nail polish, and Dean got me a new jacket.

“It’s too cold to let you wander around without one, but it seems wrong for you to have a trench…” I nodded in agreement running my hands over the buttons of the dark blue pea coat (meant to bring out the color of my eyes, I was sure).

When the others had gotten up to start breakfast I scooted closer to Dean.

“I couldn’t find you something to put under the tree…” I said handing him a card. He frowned at a little but opened it. The card itself was plain black and white with a heart on the front. I’d found it in the craft section with markers. On the inside I had written:

Dear Dean, I couldn’t find you a proper Christmas gift, and for that I’m sorry even though I don’t think you will much care. Thank you for whatever you got me. I’m sure it is thoughtful as well as practical. You take such good care of me, Dean, and I appreciate it so much. All I really have to give you is my love. I know it’s not much… being a fallen angel and all… Thank you for not being weirded out that I like lipgloss and nail polish and other “unfit” things. Being a human is hard, but if I have to have a human mortal life, I’m glad I get to share it with you. Love, Castiel

Dean didn’t say anything for a few minutes as he read the card. When he was done, he looked up at me with those big green eyes and then tackled me, knocking us both into the tree, kissing me.

“Stupid-” Kiss. “Fucking-” Kiss. “Angel.” Kiss. It took me a moment to figure out he was crying.

“Dean, baby,” I said trying to push him off me. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re so-how could you think your love wasn’t worth much?” He asked. He seemed almost angry.

“I just… I didn’t-” I floundered. He kissed me again.

“It’s the best Christmas present,” Dean whispered. He sat up smoothing out the card that was now crushed. Kevin came out with a large stack of pancakes. I was surprised when Dean scooted close to me, holding my hand tightly the whole morning. When it was finally appropriate for us to disappear, Dean pulled me into his room and laid on top of me, kissing me.

“Talk to me,” I whispered as he sucked on my neck. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“It’s-I-people…” He stopped. “I just… Of course your love is important to me…”

“But why are you… why does this upset you?” I asked. He licked his lips.

“It doesn’t… but… you-knowing you’re committed…”

“You know, I thought that was pretty well implied when I pulled you from Hell…”

“No. You loved me as an angel. You loved me because God or whoever told you to. You didn't love me like you love me now… did you?” I thought about it for a moment and shook my head. I slid my hand up his t-shirt sleeve to feel where I had left my mark on him all those years ago. “It’s different… Everything is different when you say it out loud…”

“Is it bad?” I asked. Dean smiled a little and kissed me.

“No, it’s not bad…” He said. “I just have one question…”

“Alright,” I said.

“Why don’t you stay the whole night?” He asked.

“I-this is your room, Dean,” I said as if that explained it all.

“Yes, but… Don’t you want to stay?” He asked. “With me in the night?”

“I would… I would like that very much…” I said.

“Then why don’t you?”

“Because it’s your room and I didn't know if _you_ wanted it…” Dean started laughing. “I’ve never had a place of my own, and now I do and I find I quite like it. But I could stay in your room when you want me to… _If_ you want me to…”

“I guess I don’t communicate well enough…” He said.

“Dean Winchester, and communication. Two things that don’t go together.” Dean laughed harder.

“I fucking love you,” he said kissing me.

“I love you, too, Dean,” I said. He rested his head on my chest listening to the sound of my heart beating.

“I’m gonna take a little nap…” he said. I just nodded and brushed my fingers through his hair, revelling in the fact that I’d got him the best present I could have.

“Merry Christmas, Dean,” I whispered, playing with his hair.

“Merr Cursm,” Dean mumbled and started to snore.

**Author's Note:**

> So, originally, I just wanted a fluffy fic. In a previous life, this fic was much angstier. I rewrote it from Cas's perspective and this came out. Also, when I wrote this, it was before the most recent episode. I just got it in my head that they would all be cozy and have a nice holiday season. Oh well.
> 
> I also want to thank Cabbage for being my beta again. <3 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy, and Happy Holidays~


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